My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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