i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Too much gin, very little bucket
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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