Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Every concussion has its silver lining
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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