yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
