he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
