I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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