"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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