I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
