ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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