Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I smell stomach acid.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I love you. Go after that dick
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
