I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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