Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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