if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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