shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
