It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
