I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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