Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
