Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
