Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
