"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
nutella sex= disaster
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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