I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
