So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
