so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
