new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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