just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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