He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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