I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I will be naked everywhere
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
