I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
