the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
