her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
