I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Let's get the cat blown out
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
