Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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