in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
