I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
