What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How does one acquire holy water?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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