Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
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