Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
