she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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