Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
