How'd it feel making her break her religion?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
