He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
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Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
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I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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