I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dicks are not precious.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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