I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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