I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
