It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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