He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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