You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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