They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
