and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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