Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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