??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
