well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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