Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
