i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
