Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
