And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
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He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
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Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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