Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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