Dual....:-)
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
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she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
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As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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