Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
