"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
