I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
