Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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