the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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