it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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