All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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