So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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