My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
