The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i wish my penis had a tongue
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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