Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize