Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My underwear smells like fireworks.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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