I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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