When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
