you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
